feeling Sexually repressed?:

Feeling sexually repressed?

According to Sigmund Freud, the father of psychology, sexual repression was the chief psychological problem ailing mankind. He said that constriction and
repression of sexual behaviour in youth would manifest in adulthood. We, on the other hand, live in a society that still considers sex as taboo and frown
upon ways to relieve one's sexual urges, especially if practiced by the unmarried. Hardly anyone speaks about such important issues that affect several
people. Maybe it's because one is afraid of being labelled a deviant, pervert or sexually frustrated.

Definition
Sexual repression can be defined as an inability to express one's sexuality. It is often associated with feelings of shame and guilt being attached with
expressing sexual impulses. However, sexual ethics differ from culture to culture and what might seem forbidden in one culture might not be so in another.
Psychiatrist and sexologist, Dhananjay Gambhire says, "A person's inability to express his or her sexual impulses in a healthy way leads to sexual absenteeism
and is known as sexual repression."

Causes
Generally, cultural and societal norms are the main reasons for sexual repression. Psychotherapist, neuropsychologist and counsellor Veena Chakravarthy
says, "Sexual repression can occur due to moral and social standards. Moral systems, parental guidance and education and family structure can play a role
in this." Dr Gambhire cites examples of widows/widowers on whom there's a societal pressure of not indulging in sexual relations after the death of their
spouse. Sometimes, physical problems like disability, obesity, and cultural stereotypes contribute to this condition. Also, issues like depression, long
working hours, absence from home for extended durations, also go on to the creation of a sexually vacant milieu.

Mahendra Watsa, a sexologist, says, "Some people are born in orthodox and pious families where sex-related issues are considered a taboo. Also, in our
culture, pre-marital sex is looked down upon. Therefore, one usually has to wait to get married in order to have sex. All these reasons usually lead to
sexual repression."

He further elaborates on instances of married couples, where wives usually don't express their sexual desires as they don't want to hurt their husbands
or cases where husbands are insensitive to their wives' needs and hurry with sexual intercourse. As a result, wives are compelled to fake their fulfilment
and thus, become sexually repressed.

Symptoms
Ignoring one's sexual urges, suppressing one's feelings when one is sexually aroused, avoiding socialising with members of the opposite sex, working out
excessively or becoming a workaholic to avoid dealing with the problem, are all symptoms. Putting on a mask of happiness, when he or she isn't, the inability
to communicate one sexual likes and dislikes, feelings of guilt, shame and sometimes depression due to inability to accept one as a sexual being are other
indications of such a condition.

Effects
The repercussions of sexual repression can take many forms. Some people won't socialise with persons of the opposite sex assuming it will arouse sexual
desires. Some neglect personal grooming and wear dull, unattractive clothes hoping to deflect attention from the opposite sex. Others also suffer from
depression, anxiety and guilt. Insomnia, difficulty in talking to the opposite sex, inability to concentrate on studies or at work, issues like low self-esteem
are all symptoms of repressed sexuality. Difficulty in relationships begin with unhappiness; later the distance between the persons increase leading to
infidelity and personal stress, says Dr Gambhire.

Chakravarthy says that sexual repression can affect relationships because these repressed feelings stop the individual from expressing themselves freely.
The fear associated with the repression inhibits communication. Therefore, individuals shy away from it and make it difficult for their partners as well.
More so because sometimes they cannot put a finger on the exact cause of their fear.

Coping
The best way to deal and prevent sexual repression is to gain sex education. Until there is no awareness, individuals will not realise that they have a
problem and won't work towards finding a solution and thus, suffer silently. Seeking professional help is recommended especially for individuals who are
depressed, have sleep problems or whose daily life is affected due to sexual repression. Dr Watsa says that as for couples, they must learn to communicate
their feelings to their partners rather than gratify themselves elsewhere through unsafe practices like having one night stands with strangers.